


You Find Your Hell Is Home

by JustAnotherWriter (N1ghtshade)



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kidnapping, M/M, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Whump, not james positive, tag to 318
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-01 15:11:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18802852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/N1ghtshade/pseuds/JustAnotherWriter
Summary: They’re almost making this too easy for him. With Dalton away playing cat and mouse with that terrorist who still owed Murdoc a big favor, Angus is vulnerable. All those chess pieces are moving so nicely. And now Murdoc almost has checkmate. Every other piece on the board protects the king. The piece that is the most vulnerable. Jack Dalton, their own resident white knight. Matty, the powerful queen. Wilt and Riley, dependable, solid rooks. Their new friend, and Leanna, unpredictable bishops. But Murdoc has outsmarted them all.AU ending to 318





	You Find Your Hell Is Home

**Author's Note:**

> Mac jumping into the back of Murdoc's truck was too good an opportunity to waste...

Murdoc smiles when he sees the armored truck pulling up behind his own stolen vehicle.  _ Oh Angus, you’re making this almost  _ too _ easy for me, really. _

He’s orchestrated the whole thing so masterfully. It’s like a game of chess, making sure all the pawns are in the right places.  _ Send them to the road, where they’re just far enough out of the way that I’ll be outside by the time they get here. _

He laughs, they were so certain that this place would be able to hold him. But they didn’t ever think that maybe he knew more than he let on. They didn’t know about the maps on the back of the drawings Cassian made for him, or about the agent in Murdoc’s pocket who’s working at Cassian’s safe house, who sends him messages through his innocent son’s visits. They didn’t know about him borrowing Cassian’s phone the last time Angus brought him. And best of all, they don’t know about the access code. Not yet.

He could have used any one of the team’s clearances to bypass the black site’s internet blocks.  _ So thoughtful of that mysterious doxxer.  _ But since that moment, his whole plan of escape became about so much more than escape.

_ Oh Wilt, it wasn’t really mercy that I let you live. _ He wonders how many sleepless nights he’ll have now, knowing that he had the chance to end this, and chose not to. _ Isn’t it poetic when their own humanity is their undoing? _

He growls when he sees Daddy Mac planning on being the one to stop the truck.  _ Oh, this wasn’t part of the plan, boys. _ But he knows Angus too well to think that he’ll actually let James do this.  _ He was defensive. When I brought up the cancer.  _ Murdoc can’t fathom the way Angus still seems to care about the man who abandoned him.  _ Once again, their humanity is their destruction.  _ They say he’s a monster because he’s a psychopath, but he understands the world better than they ever will. He knows how to beat it.

The second he sees Angus leap into the back of the truck, he swerves, hard. The movement throws MacGyver against the side of the truck bed, and Murdoc watches gleefully as he loses his grip on the towing cable.

Clearly, Angus still plans on bringing him in. He’s getting back up, trying to pull himself in through the shattered rear window. Murdoc grabs the flashlight tucked between the seats and waits until he has the perfect angle. One good hit and Angus is slumping down, half in and half out that window.

Murdoc pushes back the glee at how well this is all unfolding.  _ I still need to get away from his father.  _ Not that he has the feeling that will be overly difficult.  _ Not like it would be if that was Dalton. _ He’s fairly certain if that was dear old Jack in that car, Murdoc would be dead in a ditch by now. _ They’re almost making this too easy for me.  _ With Dalton away playing cat and mouse with that terrorist who still owed Murdoc a big favor, Angus is vulnerable. _ All those chess pieces are moving so nicely. _ And now Murdoc almost has checkmate.  _ Every other piece on the board protects the king.  _ The piece that is the most vulnerable. _ Jack Dalton, our own resident white knight. Matty, the powerful queen. Wilt and Riley, dependable, solid rooks. Our new friend, and Leanna, unpredictable bishops. _ But Murdoc has outsmarted them all.

He glances back to see how the pursuit is going, and nearly can’t believe his eyes when the armored vehicle is falling fast into the rearview, apparently stopped.  __

This is going even better than anticipated. It looks like the armored car ran over its own tow cable and got it tangled around an axle.  _ Oh MacGyver, your little plan worked perfectly. For me. _ Murdoc’s day has been full of things he didn’t see coming.  _ Helman getting the best of me, Wilt saving me, Angus’s own little plan being exactly the help I needed to get away with him. _

He hears the helicopter hovering overhead, moving forward. It’s planning on setting down in front of him, more than likely. But Murdoc isn’t staying on the road long enough for that.

He whips the truck sideways into an access trail in the woods. It’s barely visible, a firefighters’ route that hasn’t been used in some time. He hears the helicopter’s whirring fade, the trees are overgrown and they’ll be concealing the truck.

Of course it won’t take long for Riley to find that trail, to start looking for the structures along it. But by then, Murdoc will no longer be on it.

This time, he lets himself laugh gleefully, glancing back at the unconscious body in the back seat.  _ This is going to be fun… _

* * *

When Mac wakes up it’s to darkness, cold, and the uncomfortable awareness that he can feel the dirt floor underneath him a bit too well. He shivers. He can’t see a thing, wherever it is he is, but he can already tell that someone’s stripped him. And tied his hands. He can’t quite remember how he got into this situation; was there a truck? And...Murdoc.

He cringes as the memories start to flood back in.  _ I have to get out. I have to get out now, before he comes back.  _ Mac has no idea what Murdoc might have already done to him, but... _ I think I would know if he’d… _

He tries to push himself to his feet, only to realize that they’re also tied. So tightly he’s lost feeling in them. He pulls them up, reaching down with his tied hands to try to undo the knots. Curling up like that makes him a bit warmer, but trying to free his feet is a lost cause. The knots are incredibly tight, and since he can’t see them and his fingers are numb, he doesn’t know what kind they are or how to undo them. 

He’s not sure how long he’s been here. His head is still throbbing from the hit, he thinks it was a flashlight Murdoc used, and he’s shivering violently. Wherever he is, it’s cold and damp. He’s sure it’s the basement of a house, probably an old one. Definitely not in a city, not with a dirt floor like this. 

He curls up, wondering how long he’s going to have to wait down here for the inevitable. He has absolutely no doubt what Murdoc has planned for him, not after everything the man’s insinuated. His comment about “hugging it out” had sent shivers down Mac’s spine then, he knew Murdoc wanted his hands on him for far more than that. The thought that now he’s in that maniac’s hands is terrifying.

If Jack was still here he’d be sure the man was going to show up guns blazing and get him back before Murdoc had a chance to do anything. Or at least he’d be able to hope for it. But Jack is off chasing Kovac, probably halfway around the world, and Mac knows he won’t be coming. At least not soon enough.  _ It’s Jack, he always knows when I’m in trouble. He’ll feel it in his bones, right? _

He wants to believe James and Desi will come for him, but the truth is he doesn’t know either of them like he knows Jack. James abandoned him once, who’s to say he won’t do it again? And Desi is just doing her job. Unlike Jack, Mac isn’t her whole world, her whole life. She’ll move on, in time, if they fail. Jack would never be able to.  _ He’ll be furious he wasn’t here.  _ Mac shivers.  _ Jack, please, don’t blame yourself. Please.  _

And then there’s a scrape of a key in a lock, and Mac shudders. The light clicking on turns the faint pulsing in his head into a full-blown ache, and he can’t even look up at the figure coming down the creaky stairs. Not that he needs to, the whistling is all too familiar. 

“Oh MacGyver, finally awake I see.” Murdoc’s voice is gloating. “I hope you haven’t been waiting long. I had to take care of a few things.” 

The way he says it sounds like he had to buy groceries, but Mac is guessing he meant something more along the lines of disposing of the bodies of the house’s former owners. His boots, which are inches from Mac’s face, smell like a disturbing combination of blood and bleach. 

“I’ve brought you something. A peace offering, of sorts.” Murdoc holds out a bundle in one hand. “I’m not completely inhumane, Angus, I’m well aware these accommodations are rather chilly.” He tosses whatever it is to the floor, and Mac sees the light catch the distinctive orange of a convict’s jumpsuit. The one Murdoc was wearing a few hours ago. 

“I’m not wearing that.” Mac shudders. Just the sight of the orange cloth makes him cringe.  _ The last time I wore one of those, I almost died. _ But if he’s being honest, it isn’t really El Noche’s torture that is his worst memory from that op. It’s the roaming hands and eyes while he was still in prison. 

“Why not?” Murdoc asks, and there’s something eerily foreboding in his tone. “Is it because of that prison they put you in, before I met you?” Mac shivers. “Oh yes, I know all about little boy scout’s time behind bars. You and I had some of the same hallmates, for a while. It was almost worth being locked up, to get to hear about what you were like there.” Mac shakes his head, trying to rid himself of the memories of hungry leers and groping hands. “So scared of being treated like the prison whore.” Murdoc smiles. “You knew it wasn’t going to make a bit of difference that you were an undercover operative, that you’d done nothing wrong, if they came for you behind those walls. No one to protect you, all alone…” 

Mac wants to argue that he could protect himself. That he made it out of that prison unmolested. But he can’t open his mouth. Because he knows how close he came to losing that fight. 

“Well, if you prefer going naked, far be it from me to inconvenience you.” Murdoc shrugs and picks up the bundle of clothing.  

“I’d prefer that you let me go.” Mac swallows, trying to hide the panic. 

“Don’t insult my intelligence, MacGyver. We both know I’m not going to do that, and we also both know you’re already trying to figure out a way to escape.” Murdoc chuckles. “But before you find a way to get out of my very elaborate little cage, I think it’s only fair that you know exactly what you’ll be doing.”

“What do you mean?” Mac asks. He hates needing Murdoc’s information, but the man is arrogant, he might let a detail slip that will give Mac his way out of here. 

“I’m afraid when dear little Riley does a little more digging, she’s going to discover that the login used to access the black site’s internet was in fact one of yours. One of your very high-clearance, personal ones.”

_ No, no, no. _ Mac has been wondering since Riley told them where Helman’s payment came from, how anyone unauthorized got into the black site’s internet connection. It’s secured so deeply even Riley would have a hard time hacking it; she designed it herself.  _ But he didn’t have to hack it.  _ Just as soon as that makes sense, though, another question follows it. “How did you…”

“Oh, I may not have orchestrated that wonderful little information dump, but I was very glad to hear about it. I know  _ everything _ about you now, Angus.” He smirks. “But more to the point, I know just enough to make it look like you’re...my accomplice.”

“They’ll never believe I was working with a monster like you,” Mac grinds out, past the pain in his head.

“Oh, but the evidence is overwhelming. And you know, you did spend so much quality time with me not so very long ago. And helped me break into an embassy, and a bank, and rob an armored truck. So I don’t think it’s too far-fetched to see boy genius turn criminal.” He smiles wider. “Ever since I saved you from Helman, I think there’s been a wonderfully perfect pattern. I help you, you help me…” he says in his eerie singsong voice.

“You can’t prove…”

“Oh, I don’t have to prove it. All I have to do is plant some seeds of doubt,” Murdoc says. “And you know, you didn’t do yourself any favors running off alone last year. Maybe your friends trusted you before that, but you were gone a long time, Angus. People change after things like that.” He holds out the jumpsuit again, smiling wickedly. “So you see, this is all you have to look forward to.” Murdoc smiles. “Might as well accept it, Angus.” He shrugs. “Or don’t. I’ll enjoy looking at you either way.”

Mac shudders. The thought of being naked and exposed to Murdoc’s hungry gaze is terrifying, especially as Murdoc steps closer, removing his gloves and starting to pull off his jacket. But the thought of taking anything willingly from this psychopath turns Mac’s stomach. Especially when he thinks about what it is. _ If I put this on, it’s like accepting that what Murdoc said about me is true. That I am his accomplice, that prison is where I belong. _

But if he has it, there might be something he can use. Mac swallows his pride, and the fear choking his voice. “Fine, I’ll wear it.”

“Oh, so you do want this old thing.” Murdoc smiles. “Well, unfortunately, I’m no longer offering it for free. Now you have to earn it.” Mac can feel his breathing speed up, he knows exactly what Murdoc means.

“I-I don’t…”

“Oh, I‘m sorry. No takebacks, MacGyver.” Murdoc’s voice is disturbingly light and cheerful. “Now, let’s have some fun, shall we?”

* * *

Murdoc has never been called an early riser. For his job, there have been some necessary early mornings, but it’s rare that he actually voluntarily wakes up in time to watch the sun come up. He’s a creature of the night, darkness suits him so much better.

But this morning, he’s anxious to get to work. The tiny, strangled sobs he can hear coming up through the floorboards are more energizing than a cup of black coffee. He scuffs his foot over a stubborn bloodstain on the floor before going to the basement door and flicking on the light. 

Angus is still curled in the corner. His hands and feet are tied less severely, but he’s still not going anywhere. Murdoc broke every finger on his right hand last night, the screams were an added pleasure. And he’s very sure that even if he could get his feet free, MacGyver wouldn’t feel much like walking. 

He wasn’t enthusiastic enough, in Murdoc’s opinion, to earn the offered clothing. Murdoc left it within view, he’s hoping the long night in the cold basement will have made Angus more willing to cooperate. 

Murdoc has spent enough time studying MacGyver to know how the boy’s mind works. Their little road trip south of the border taught him plenty about the correct approach to breaking him.  _ He really flipped when he realized they were accusing him of murder along with me. _ Angus has spent his whole life playing for the right side of the law, and making him doubt himself, convincing him the world will see him as a monster, is the surest way to tear him down.  _ He finds his worth in being a hero. _ If Murdoc can make him believe he’s tainted, corrupted beyond repair, eventually MacGyver will be forced to gravitate to him as the only person who still wants anything to do with him.  _ Last night was just the beginning. _

He’s already stripped away the boy’s dignity and pieces of his sense of morality. Now he needs to start chipping away at his ties to his friends and family. 

“You know, there’s still one thing that confuses me. I really did expect Papa Bear to come charging out of the woods, Angus.” Murdoc smiles. “Where is dear old Jackie boy?”

Angus doesn’t answer. 

“So either he didn’t even bother to come with you and protect you from me, or...oh dear, is it possible he left?” Murdoc already knows the truth, but he knows pretending surprise is going to be like rubbing acid in an open wound. _Angus was always so dependent on his loyal guard dog._ “So your precious Jack, he finally abandoned you too. When will you learn, MacGyver?”

“He didn’t…” Angus trails off.

“Oh but he did. Tell yourself what you want, he got tired of you and he wanted out. Why else would he leave?” Murdoc leans in, relishing Angus’s shiver of disgust and fear. “He probably didn’t want to deal with all that pathetic emotional baggage any longer. You wore him out, coming crying to him every time you were hurt, every time something scared you. He’s sick of it.”

“N-no.” But his voice is cracking.

“Really? He probably thought he could make something of you. But all you did was disappoint him.” Murdoc shrugs. He smiles wider when he sees the tears streaming down MacGyver’s face and hears the short sobbing breaths.

“See?” Murdoc chuckles. “That’s exactly why he left. You’re pathetic.” He twists his fingers in Angus’s hair and forces him to look up, into Murdoc’s face. “He’s not coming to save you. But you should be happy, MacGyver. I’m the only one who still wants you.” He wipes away one of the tears and smiles when the boy shudders. “The only one who likes what you really are. Who would even bother to look for you, with Papa Jack off chasing his tail?”

“James…” Angus chokes out.

“Oh, come on, you really think dear old dad wants to mend fences for  _ your _ sake?” Murdoc laughs, and he loves the way Angus shivers. “You’re just a useful tool, Angus. He’s dragging you around like a dog on a leash, and you let him. Not that I don’t  _ love _ watching you be the loyal little puppy, but…” Murdoc trails off, the idea of collaring Mac and chaining him up that way is suddenly particularly appealing. He wishes the people who owned this house had had a dog. Oh well, he’ll have to make do. He’s sure he can find a belt somewhere…Angus isn't the only one who can improvise. 

* * *

This is exactly the call Jack’s been dreading for weeks. Only Matty and Mac have the number of his sat phone,  _ for emergencies only, _ Jack had said when he gave it to them. When it rings, and he hears Matty’s voice on the other end, he knows the news isn’t good.

“What happened?” Jack asks. He’s sure it has to be Mac. 

“Helman resurfaced, and...well, long story short, Jack, it was all a ploy by Murdoc to break himself out of the black site, and he took Mac.”

“He  _ what? _ ” Jack notices the rest of his team glancing at him with concern. He mouths “Murdoc” to Cage, she’ll handle getting them away from Jack so he can talk in peace. “Matty, please, please tell me this is some sick joke.”

“The only sick thing about it is Murdoc’s brain,” Matty says. “He set this up for  _ months _ , Jack. We found evidence...he...he framed Mac for having a part in his escape.”  _ No, no, no. _

“You and I both know he would never, in a million years-”

“Yes. Of course. But that doesn’t change the fact that both he and Murdoc disappeared a week ago-” 

“A  _ week? _ ” Jack can’t believe this. “He’s been gone for a week and you only saw fit to call me  _ now? _ ” 

“It wasn’t my decision, Jack. But now Oversight has abandoned the search and…”

“James called off everything after a  _ week? _ ” Jack is seeing red, the desert heat is nothing compared to the anger surging in his veins. 

“There are no leads. Murdoc has apparently vanished. So has Mac. The truck he escaped in was found, but it was a dead end. And Riley’s been combing sat feeds and security cameras, but wherever he is he’s laying low.” 

“I’m coming. Right now.”  _ Screw this mission, screw Kovacs, screw orders. _ He has to get Mac back. 

He leaves half his team in Bosnia, following up on the last lead. But he takes the other half home with him.  _ Cage wants to put Murdoc in the ground almost as much as me. And Weston and Jacobs are good operatives.  _ He’s tired, he’s angry, and he’s not going to stop until he finds Mac and brings him home.

When he gets off the jet, Riley, Desi, and Matty meet him at the gate. Bozer’s at physical therapy, they tell him, he was shot during Murdoc’s breakout. Desi can’t look him in the eyes. She stares at the ground, scuffing one combat boot on the tarmac. He puts a hand on her shoulder, and she caves. Jack rarely sees Desi show emotion. But she looks seconds away from crying.

“I’m so sorry, Jack,” She says softly. “You trusted me to protect him. You wanted me to keep him safe, and I failed you. I let Murdoc take him…”

“Hey, this isn’t on you. It’s on that maniac. And we’re gonna get him. Together.”  _ It’s on James too. He abandoned Mac to that monster.  _ Jack knows Desi would have done everything in her power.  _ She’s not me, and I can’t demand from her everything I would have done. I would have followed Murdoc on foot if that’s what it took, but I know not everyone sees Mac the way I do. _ Mac is the most important thing in the world to Jack. He’s not the most important thing in Desi’s world. 

When Cage gets off the plane as well, Riley smiles. Jack knows those two had been good friends, before Sam went back to Australia.  _ She missed her a lot. Missed having that person to talk to. _

“Welcome back, Agent Cage,” Matty says.

“I wasn’t going to miss the chance to go after Murdoc,” Sam says. “I owe him a couple bullets.” She pats the gun strapped to her hip. “So where do we start?”

* * *

Mac can’t stop shivering. He wishes he could, because shivering makes his cracked ribs and broken legs even more painful. He aches all over, he’s always hungry, and he can’t get warm. He learned the hard way that Murdoc was determined to break him with every little thing. Anything he needs, Murdoc insists he has to earn. He held out as long as he could, but water is a necessity. And something in him is desperate to survive, no matter how he has to do it.

He’s just doing what he has to do to live. It’s no different from crawling through a dumpster or pretending to cooperate with a terrorist.  _ It’s only hurting me. As long as I’m the only one it hurts, it doesn’t matter, right? _ He tries to validate it, to himself.  _ As long as I’m still alive, Murdoc is tied down. Having a captive makes him more vulnerable, more likely to make a mistake. It makes him easier to track. _

That’s what he tells himself. But the truth is, he doesn’t want to die. Not like this. If it was a sacrifice to protect someone else, he’d accept that in a heartbeat. But this...he can’t bear the thought of this being the last thing people know about his life. Even if it’s very unlikely he’ll ever get away.  _ But Jack… _ he wants to believe Jack is coming for him, because Jack has never let him down yet.  _ And when he comes, he’ll want to see that I kept fighting. That I stayed alive. _ Jack wants him to live. And Mac knows that if he dies, it’s very possible Jack will have a bullet in his gun for Murdoc, and then another for himself.  _ He’ll believe he failed me. That him leaving is what caused all of this.  _ If he dies, he might be killing Jack too. And he can’t let that happen. So he’ll do whatever he needs to to stay alive. 

He may not be able to stop what’s happening, but he’s not going to pretend this is willing. He’s not going to give Murdoc the satisfaction. So he does only what he has to to make sure he doesn’t die. He wishes he was warm, wishes he had something to eat, but it’s not essential to him surviving, not yet at least. He hasn’t let himself sink that low yet. 

The door opens, and Murdoc saunters down the stairs. He leaves the door open, and Mac can smell bacon and coffee from the kitchen. But the light that streams in, as weak and indirect as it is, is almost more tempting. He’s been in the darkness so long. Murdoc usually comes at night, or so early in the morning the sun hasn’t come up yet. 

His stomach growls, and Murdoc raises an eyebrow. “Are you hungry, Angus?” Mac bites his lip, tasting blood. His lips are permanently cracked and bitten now, they bleed almost constantly. “Are you finally ready to accept what you are?” He nods at the torn jumpsuit tossed in the corner. Mac shivers. One night Murdoc finally allowed him to wear it, only to start calling him a prison whore and worse, and then tear it off him again. Murdoc leans down and runs his finger along the strip of leather around Mac’s neck; Mac’s pretty sure it’s a repurposed belt because of the width. It’s uncomfortably tight, but the last time he tried to take it off, Murdoc caught him and broke the fingers on his  _ left _ hand too. 

“That’s not what I am.”  _ I’m not a criminal, I’m not a monster. Not a prison whore. And not yours. I’m not your property. _ Even though it gets harder and harder to believe that. 

He wants to believe Jack is coming because Jack won’t turn him in and let him go to prison. He’ll help Mac stay hidden. Because this is bad, this is horrible, but he can’t imagine what it would be like to be treated like this by dozens of people. At least here he can hope that it will end someday. If he’s convicted of collaborating with Murdoc, he’ll never be free. He’ll have nothing to look forward to. 

“Why do you insist on making this so much harder on yourself?” Murdoc asks. “I’m not asking you to endure more pain. I want to make it pleasurable for both of us, and it would be, if you would just give in and let it be.” He bends down,hooking a finger through the collar and pulling Mac's head up so he's forced to look at Murdoc. “It’s a simple choice, really, between pain and pleasure. You’re a smart boy. You know that instinct always chooses pleasure over pain. Why don’t you listen to it?” He runs his fingers gently through Mac’s hair. “I only want you to enjoy this as much as I am. You’re only cold and hungry and in pain because you’re choosing it.” 

Mac shivers. He can’t do this. He can’t let that happen. This is bad, but letting Murdoc win like that would be a thousand times worse. “No.”

Murdoc tightens his grip on Mac’s swollen, crudely splinted leg, and Mac bites back a scream of pain. “Have it your way. I enjoy both options equally.” 

* * *

Jack tries to stay out of James’s way. He can’t guarantee he wouldn’t punch the bastard in the face or say something that he’ll regret.  _ I can’t jeopardize my chances of finding Mac.  _ And James is the one with the most information.

Jack only ever talks to him in the War Room with Matty or one of the others there. He won’t do something truly heinous with them right there. He doesn’t spend much of the rest of the time at Phoenix. He’s either at Mac’s house or his apartment. Cage has been interrogating Helman for three days, but every time she texts Jack there’s nothing actionable.

So far, Matty is keeping the fact that one of Mac’s access codes was used on the blacksite computer that paid Helman under wraps. They were doxxed a couple weeks ago, and Jack’s sure that’s how someone got their hands on Mac’s information. So is everyone else. Riley is trying to pinpoint the source and timeframe of the doxxing so she can definitively say that the use of the password happened after it was already in someone else’s hands.  _ It happened before the guy who SWATted her got hold of it, but that doesn’t mean it happened before someone else had access.  _ The file dump is buried on the dark web somewhere, and until Riley finds it, she can’t give them an actual date and time. 

But while everyone else is actually contributing to the investigation, Jack feels useless. He hates this. He wants to go out and search every single house, every barn, every hole in the ground, until he finds Mac. But he can’t.

He’s sitting on the couch, pretending to watch a documentary on sea slugs and imagining he can hear Mac’s voice in his head rattling off sciency stuff, when his phone pings. 

**Cage: Helman agreed to help us. Says he wants one thing, Us to put Murdoc in the black site with him.**

**Jack: Do it.**

**Cage: Already done. He told us about a strategy he’d taught Murdoc to use if he needed a place to stay and didn’t have a prepped safe house. I’ve got Riley scanning for households that auto-pay all bills and that haven’t had any cell phone, social media, or credit card activity recently.**

Jack knows it could be hours or days until they have something, but he’s out the door and in the car on his way to Phoenix. He wants to be tacced up and ready to go the second they have a hit. 

He’s just pulling into the parking lot when his phone pings again.

**Riley: I have three houses that fit Cage’s profile. The rest were either owned by people who’ve gone into the hospital or gone out of the country.** Both valid reasons there would be no cell or card activity.

He hurries inside, barely sparing a glance for James in the War Room. His eyes are on the three locations on the screen. Cage is standing beside it.

“Two of the locations are in fairly populated areas. The third…” She points to the one indicated in red, “is in a rural location, with no close neighbors. I would bet on that as the location Murdoc would choose.”

So would Jack. “Alright. Let’s suit up and hit that one ourselves.” They’ll send teams to the other two, just in case, but Jack has a gut feeling that this is it.

* * *

_ Mac doesn’t even look up at the sound of the door opening. He doesn’t want to see the lust in Murdoc’s eyes. He wants to pretend this isn’t happening. _

_ But the stairs aren’t creaking under Murdoc’s soft footsteps. This is a heavy tac-booted clatter that Mac knows all too well. It’s Jack. _

_ He looks up to see Jack rushing over to him. Mac can  _ see _ his eyes cataloging the damage, and despite the fact that it’s Jack and he’s seen Mac in every conceivable state of undress on past missions, he still curls into himself, wanting to hide.  _

_ Jack’s eyes are full of a mixture of pity and disgust. Mac knows he’s wretched, he knows he’s lower than dirt after what he’s done.  _ I did it to protect you. I did it because if I died so would you. _ He wants to tell Jack that, but that will make him feel equally guilty.  _ Better to let him think I’m weak. That I broke.

_ “Mac, what did he do to you? How did this happen?” Jack asks. He sounds absolutely horrified and Mac doesn’t blame him. This is horrible.  _ He has every right to be disgusted at what I’ve become. I am.  _ He tries to hold back a wretched sob. He was too weak to protect himself, that’s how this happened. He knows Jack is going to hate him for it.  _

_ “Well, well, well. So Papa Bear did come back.” Mac can’t tell where Murdoc’s voice is coming from. It seems like it’s coming from everywhere. “You’re too late, Dalton. He’s mine now.” _

_ Jack prods Mac with the toe of one boot like he’s pushing away a piece of trash on the street. “I can see that.” He shakes his head. “You can keep him. Why I would want someone who can’t even find a way out of something like this, I don’t know.” He turns and glares at Mac again, and now it’s James’s face staring at him, before it morphs back into Jack.  _

_ Mac wants to beg him to please, please, not leave him here. But the words stick in his throat. If he begs, he’ll only be reminding Jack...or James...or whoever, that he’s pathetic.  _

_ He huddles there on the floor, humiliated and heartbroken, and sobs. Jack doesn’t want him, James doesn’t want him. And why should they? They’re right. He’s helpless and weak and pitiful.   _

_ And then Murdoc is walking up, smiling lazily. “Now, Angus, will you finally give up that foolish hope that someone is coming for you? No one wants what you’ve become, except for me.”  _

Mac jolts awake, his throat aching and sore. He pants quietly, trying to calm down. It was just a dream. Jack’s not here, and he never was. Mac is alone. 

It used to be a relief to wake up from nightmares like that. But now, he’s only waking up to another one. He curls up as much as he can, shivering, and hopes for a few more moments of oblivion before either nightmare begins again. 

* * *

Jack’s blood is buzzing with its usual pre-raid energy. He glances beside him. Riley, Cage, and Desi all look deadly serious. He checks his gun for the fifth time, then checks comms. “Team one in position.”

“Team two in position,” crackles through.

“Team three in position.”

“All teams move in.” Jack steps out of cover, breaking into a run. He’s not quite as young or athletic as Desi or Cage, but he’s still the first to the door. It goes down with a single drop kick. 

He’s inside, clearing the main floor, when he sees the door that according to the blueprints Riley found on file for the house, leads to the basement. He tugs on the knob, it’s locked from the inside. 

He ducks just in time to avoid a spray of bullets tearing through the wood. That’s definitely where Murdoc is, and now they have him trapped. The second the shooting stops, Jack charges the door. 

He crashes through the wood and into what he hopes is Murdoc. Both of them tumble down the stairs, and Jack winces when he feels his bad shoulder collide with a step. He doesn’t think it’s dislocated again, it just hurts. 

But the bruises don’t stop him from jumping to his feet the second he hits the bottom. He grabs Murdoc and slams him into a wall, then pins him to the floor. The man’s black eyes are dazed and angry. 

“Where is he, you bastard?” Jack shouts. Murdoc just laughs, blood bubbling through his teeth. Jack slams a fist into his face, but it’s too much, and the man goes out cold. Jack stumbles to his feet, and in the silence that’s broken only by his panting, he hears a soft, muffled sob. 

He leaps to his feet, his attention instantly ripped away from the unconscious monster on the floor. He can hear footsteps coming down the stairs behind him, and Cage yelling over comms to the tac team. She’ll handle Murdoc. Jack has to get to his kid. 

“Mac?”

There’s a sudden shocked cry. “Jack?” Mac’s voice is hoarse, the way it sounds after he’s been tortured and can’t help screaming.  _ I really hate that I know what that sounds like so well. _ He pulls out his flashlight and sweeps it across the floor until he sees the huddled, shivering shape in a corner. 

“Mac, oh kiddo.” Jack kneels beside him, feeling a bitter, sickening taste in the back of his throat. Mac is bruised and bloodied, it looks like both his legs are broken, and his right hand is swollen and misshapen. But what’s tearing Jack’s heart out is the fact that Mac is naked, and the bruises and dried blood on his legs are telling him everything he needs to know. 

Mac is so  _ thin, _ all bone and hollow cheeks and eyes that look too big for his face _. _ Jack’s sure that’s not all because of his captivity.  _ He probably stopped eating properly after I left.  _ He was afraid of that happening. He blinks back tears, bending down beside the kid. 

“J-j-jack?” Mac whispers, his voice so terribly shaky and uncomprehending.

“Yeah, it’s me kid. I’m so sorry. I’m so damn sorry.” Jack pulls Mac against him, feeling tears running down his own face. “I never shoulda left you alone. This is my fault.”

“Why won’t you leave me alone?” Mac whispers. “You keep coming back, but you’re never really here. Just stop. Isn’t he torturing me enough? Why do you have to do it too?”  _ Oh God. Oh God. _ Jack feels hot streaks of tears trickling down his cheeks.  _ He kept dreaming that I was coming for him.  _

“Kiddo, it’s really me. It really is.” He reaches for Mac and pulls him close, feeling the shudders wracking his body, as much from pain as fear. Mac is sobbing breathlessly, tears running down his face. 

Mac sounds like he’s struggling to breathe, and when Jack looks at him again he realizes why. Somehow he missed seeing the strip of brown leather wrapped tightly around Mac’s neck. He fumbles at it, feeling for the buckle and pulling it off, throwing the strap into a corner and wincing at the bruises and raw sores left underneath. 

He shoos Desi away when she comes up beside them and he hears her shocked gasp. Mac just buries his face in Jack’s shoulder and cries harder, and Jack knows that he’s humiliated enough. No one else needs to see him this broken. 

Jack silently mouths to Desi to go get a blanket and send Riley down with it. She’s at least a more familiar face. Mac won’t like her seeing him either, but Jack’s sure he’d prefer that to Desi. When Riley shows up with a warm, soft blanket, Jack tucks it tightly around Mac, frowning when the kid tries to push it away from himself despite the fact that he’s shivering uncontrollably, his lips are blue, and he’s curled up in the way that gives him the most possible modesty. 

“N-no, I won’t,” Mac gasps out. 

“Kiddo, what’s wrong?” Jack asks, running his fingers gently through the tangled, greasy hair. Mac gasps, flinches away, and begins to sob.  _ What did I do wrong? _ Jack has no idea why things that normally comfort Mac are causing this kind of panic.  _ Warmth and gentle touch are my go-tos. _ He wonders what Murdoc did to make those same things so fear-inducing, and he wants to march upstairs where they’re holding that bastard and start breaking  _ him. _ But Mac is more important. Mac is always more important. 

“Mac, it’s just me, it’s Jack. I’m not going to hurt you.” Jack bites his lip, wondering what to say that will help. “No one is gonna hurt you now.” Mac uncurls slightly and looks up at him with huge, tear-flooded eyes. “They’re not taking me away from you again. Never, Mac.”

“But they’ll want to take  _ me _ away,” Mac sobs. “Murdoc...he used my codes to get into a black site computer. He made it look like I helped him escape. He said no one would ever believe I was innocent; he set it all up so well. I don’t want to go to prison, Jack.”

“No one is sending you to prison.”  _ Riley’s going to find proof that it wasn’t Mac who used that code, and it’s going to be okay. _

“Please, Jack, don’t leave me,” Mac whispers, and Jack leans in closer, tucking the blanket around him again. 

“I promise, Mac. I’m not leaving you ever, ever again.” 

* * *

Mac is much too familiar with hospitals and all the unique sensations that go along with them. The soft prickle and weight of the IV in his hand, the antiseptic smell that pervades everything, the too-bright lights and too-constant chatter, and the strange, slightly scratchy, awkward feel of a hospital gown. Mac shudders. He wants something warmer, more protective, more...just  _ more _ . The blankets covering him are nice, but he still feels so exposed.

But at the same time, he wants to get it off him, to get all of it off him, because he’s not supposed to have clothes or blankets if he doesn’t agree to Murdoc’s terms, and he’s not going to do that. He has to keep reminding himself that it’s over. Murdoc isn’t here, he doesn’t have control anymore. 

His legs ache and itch, there’s casts on them and on hands. He was out for the whole surgery, and he’s afraid to ask whether everything will heal properly.  _ What if I never get the full use of my hands back? What if I can’t do my job anymore? _ He doesn’t know what else he’ll do. 

But he does know that no matter what, Jack is going to make sure he’s okay. He hasn’t left Mac’s room since visitors were allowed in. He sleeps in the chair, showers in the room, leaves only long enough to get cafeteria food and bring it back up. He’s apologized what feels like a thousand times for ever leaving to hunt Kovacs, and Mac can hear the deep, broken hurt in his voice. 

Mac knows Jack feels like every bit of this is his fault, and he wants to explain to him that that’s not true, that none of this was Jack’s fault, but he knows Jack won’t listen.  _ He and I are both stubborn about that kind of thing. _ But maybe they’ll both find a way to forgive themselves and heal. It’s going to take time, but they have plenty of that, neither of them are going anywhere for quite a while. 

He shudders. They have him on painkillers for his legs, but he hates them. They make the world confusing and he’s had so many terrible dreams. Too many have been about Murdoc, the things he said and did. But others have been of Jack trying to protect him and dying, or of being so disgusted with Mac that he walks away and leaves him there crying on the floor, begging him to come back. Sometimes it’s James, asking him how he has a son so incompetent that he let himself be captured, and telling him that if he can’t even find a way out of this, he deserves to suffer.  He can feel sleep trying to drag him under, but there’s no rest there. 

Jack still seems to have that sixth sense about when Mac needs him. He sets down the cup of coffee he’s drinking and reaches across the blankets for Mac’s hand. He wraps his hand around Mac’s cast, and even though Mac can’t squeeze back, he smiles. Jack isn’t going anywhere.


End file.
